I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
As shirtless as possible
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize