you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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