Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Still dying that you shit outside
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
