She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Drunk is a universal language darling
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
