Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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