new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
