Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize