I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
