man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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