I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
last night I used snow as a chaser
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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