I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
