Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My vagina is officially offended.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
