my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
