Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
