Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I want her autograph on my taint
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize