He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just found a bag of teeth...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
