she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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