Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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