tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
