I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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