There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
