There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
