You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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