My nipple is on Facebook.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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