i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
