tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
