from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
pop tarts are not kleenex
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize