Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
