I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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