Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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