About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
