I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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