new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize