physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
