Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
