Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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