I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
