i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
