Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
