First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
