Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize