I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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