I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
