Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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