i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
