i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
