who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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