just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
