By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
