Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
