i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
