i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
