your parents love me but you hate me
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
