stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
