No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
