just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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