i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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