if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize