I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
