dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
