1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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