oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
