I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
