I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
