So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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