Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
