She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
