its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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