allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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